Christmas GIFT

..ahhh.. christmas..CHRISTmas.

or should I say.. XMAS..kind of an idiotic abbreviation don't you think? ^^ anyways im not a die hard catholic so i really don't give a rat's ass..but then again out of respect for all my fellow human beings out there i'll just call it Christmas.

the past holiday revealed more things about my family.. things that i really didn't know..things that made me think and reevaluate my disposition when it comes to dealing with them..sure i can still predict their behaviors given a situation but apparently there are still a lot of things that i didn't know 'exist' in all of them.. for instance.. i have always thought that my nephew is a good for nothi'n lying bastard but you know what? talking to him really revealed that he is still a kid...a kid who is afraid and nothing to look on for empathy but a PC and all the online games that will just provide temporary respite..tsk..tsk..tsk..

ofcourse im not an 'intellectual bastard' who just says stuff just to look smart..sad to say kids.. NO..sorry to disappoint.. as i said i have always thought that he will be a BIG trouble to our family.. you know..because kids especially boys in their teenage years are nothing but WALKING PENISES controlled by their TESTOSTERONE..but as a human being who is eternally curious..i observed him...observe...observe.. got him to 'open-up' his emotional distresses and listen to covert languages amidst his social talk..but the definitive proof that i was looking for is the time when we three (Sis..the kid.. and ME) are in a MALL..the kid says his hungry so we decided to buy things in PAO TSIN (love the food there..hainanese rice..good shit man..) anyways..as usual..I distanced myself from the throngs and watched how this particular situation will play out for all of the 'pip's' within that space and time. When suddenly..sis came barging out of that space with a look on her face that says "GOD DAMN i GIVE up dealing with this SHIT"..and before i can slip out a word..she says (well..i don't really want to share the whole thing coz its quite ugly and undignified..so ill just rephrase it..) "I am disappointed in my son, because he did some mistakes in dealing with the cashier of Pao Tsin which should not have been done if one uses his brain.".. so there.. a somewhat accurate representation of what she said...and for all the "macabé" out there.. NO I WILL NOT TYPE THE EXACT THINGS that came out of her mouth..moving on..i looked to the kid standing there in a very perplexed posture..fanning himself with his shirt and wiping the sweats off his brow..one can not help but conclude that this person is "FUCKED up out of His MIND with FEAR.."..yeah kids.. HE is AFRAID.. so what i said was simple.."Takot lang yung bata..intindihin mo na lang.."..then i gazed in her eyes..and saw enlightenment to the situation...i let her be and stand beside the kid.. and i said "Wag kang matakot.. kaya mo yan.. tao lang yang mga yan.. at Pao Tsin lang yan.. para ka lang bumibili sa tindahan.."..and for me the most happiest thing that happened is when i saw my Sis stood beside the kid and said in plain text 'Wag kang matakot.'---- simple three words..yet a whole book is not enough to define its meaning...and YES..i am very very happy in that single seemingly insignificant moment..when an injured soul who was not able understand anything about the kid..reached out her hand and said that "I understand.."

and for that insignificant-less-than-a-minute situation i got my Christmas Gift.

Have you been in love?

Wow..i have never seen this coming.. me..talking about love..LOVE..my goodness.. to be honest im not really a romantic person.. i believe that LOVE is just a word.. love is just an expression invented by our human mind for the sake of procreation.. and kids..if you do not know.. procreation is vital to the survival of our species..so yeah..its is damn important...anyways..

why the hell did i put up this topic? i don't know!?! i have this rule of being spontaneous when write things on my blog..

are human beings really capable of love? are we really capable of doing anything for the sake of love? sacrificing anything and everything for your one and only... i believe so.. simply because i am in love..but then again this is not a FUZZY WARM BLOG.. this is called FUZZY LOGIC blog..so yeah..sorry to disappoint..=) have we ever stopped and think that LOVE is the same as purpose? as goals? do you believe that every life out there has meaning? has its own purpose.. you know.. look at the tree outside your house..(in case you're living in an urban hell hole then just look for a marijuana 'cannabis sativa' garden sticking on your neighbor's roof) it processes sunlight and create Oxygen as its waste...look at the maggots devouring a cat who didn't look left and right before crossing the street..its eating the corpse turning it into a goo of rich minerals essential to plant life..look at your office mate...working his ass off for his family..most importantly look at yourself..have you been doing what you want in life? if not...then why do you do it? or am i wrong to observe that your doing it for someone else.. for some one else....for some one you love..

perhaps..we all have our own reason why we do things the way we do things..

doing things for others that we love.. sacrificing some things in exchange of things that we want..perhaps things that we need from our loved ones.. doesn't it bother you that everything should be sacrificed? that everything that makes you YOU..should be let go of? think about it.. will it do you any favor to loose yourself..your soul..the thing that makes you HUMAN for your loved ones?? our PURPOSE? personally..i don't believe that everything should be sacrificed.. believe me it is very unhealthy..=)

every human being deserves to be loved..but most of all you must first learn to love yourself..to know that you care about you...BEFORE you care about others..

the point is simple.. if you can not love yourself... then you do not know the meaning of love.. and if you do not know the meaning of love.. then how can you express it? and if you can not express love..how can you love anyone?

so boys and girls..take it from me..i've been there..done that.. i've been alone..so disillusioned of everyone else.. so distrustful of everything..to the point of withdrawing from society.. i've been stuck to an illogical and atemporal thinking that I AM NOT OK...and EVERYONE else is OK....NOT good my friends..not good...=)

Contemplating on a lot of stuff.. and ofcourse reading a bunch of books told me that I am displaying symptoms of this life script that is really really really fucked-up shit!..i mean..WHY!? Why am i fucked up??!? well.. unsurprisingly I've already known the answer to that question.. and i do not want to talk about it right now..(reserved for another topic..not that anyone really bothers.)

..so next question.. WHY THE HELL AM I NOT OK?? well.. cause I am an IDIOT...that's why! hey!.. im not saying this for a self-defeating purpose okaY? i am so passed that.. what i am saying is.. i have always hated myself.. i have perceived myself as inferior to others.. and i have always drawn on this illusion that if I am JUSt this.. and this... and this.. and this... I will be OK.. but you know what?!? I am WRONG.. a person doesn't have to be Intelligent Enough.. to be athletic enough... to be musically gifted..OH my Bad.. let me rephrase that.. strumming-a-wooden-guitar-while-sitting-on-a-sidewalk-eyeing-each-and-every-girl-while-making-sure-they're-cute Enough to be OK..

kids..it doesn't work that way..the first and foremost of all the steps that you have to take in life... is to accept who you are..to know your abilities.. to love each and everything about you..to transcend all there is..

then..everything will fall in to place with clock work efficiency..soon you will see what you want to improve..soon you will know your purpose..soon you will know the meaning of life..of YOUR life.. suddenly you will find yourself behaving that everyday might be your last..your attitude..changed.. your eyes see more clearly..you will embark on a journey to reach your goals..and someday you will look back and see that the first time you loved is the first time you really LIVED..LOVE..gotta love that word.. don't you think? =)

Defiant Class - USS Dauntless

Well as you see I am also a fan of Star Trek.. if you don't like it.. shoot yourself in the head or you can just walk away feeling sorry for yourself for not being to satisfy your curiosity on what the author would like to share..

Defiant..defy..

a word is it not? do we really what it means to defy? to be defiant of everything just to get to your goal..are humans really capable of such things... to defy the world to achieve greatness!! ahh.. such phrases...it is true that for all the advances of humankind in all the sciences we still know next to nothing on what it means to be human.. sure there are a lot of theories out there.. human nature, determinism, gestalt psychology, rogerian psychology, psychoanalysis, behaviorism, anti-humanism, secularism...but you know what?? we still know "Squat" about what it really means to be human.. maybe because we all have different point of views? different perspectives? different ideologies? different..or maybe we already found out the answer to that question...that being human.. is being different from each other.. difference..

Reality - Good - Bad - what the heck!

Hello everyone..Its me..typing again to this blog that no one knows (care) about. But you know what? DOn't care.. =)

OKay..well..indeed it has been awhile since I visited my blog.. simply because I do not have the will or inspiration to do it.. besides..i don't want to bore the audience of ranting about the same thing is it?? ^^ God knows my dreams and my mind was lately in the dark..so many dreams forth telling doom..my mind fully awake to the road going to damnation, and I seem powerless to stop the ride..or is it? or is it just an ordinary road..a path called life? well.. we are humans.. and as humans we are all entitled to an 'ABSOLUTE FREEDOM' of perceiving our own reality.. Gotta Love that information.. it has a nice ring to it?? don't you think? =)

Well..for all the pessimist, lifeless, cynical and hopeless bastards our there..I am sorry to disappoint...but its true..we all have the freedom to perceive our environment as we see fit.. to make our own reality..and to deal with it accordingly.. as the famous experiment goes.. "Its half empty - half full"..you know what I mean! hehe =P

so its surprising to notice..that "HEY! What the Fuck!" i find myself staring at a SHIT on the roadside disregarding all that life has to offer..or all the options available to one such idiot named RJ PROFUGO..=P

WuuOouUuww man..i said my name.. that's a new one.. anyways..

obviously a lot of things happened while I was 'staring at that SHIT'.. good things.bad things.. but most certainly things.. and one thing that really stuck to my mind while attending my class in psychotherapy is that everything is arbitrary..reality is not a FIXED object.. a fact maybe interpreted in a variety of ways.. just as how our genetics are varied..just as how we see things differently... is that a BAD thing? a GOOD thing?? HOw about..NO!? NEITHER is the correct answer.. it is just a THING. no GOOD..no BAD.. its just our bigotry or xenophobic idiocies that makes us believe that there is such a thing.. however, do not get me wrong here..im not some A-Hole advocating anarchy or anything like that.. what Im saying is that GOOD and BAD doesn't really matter..its your MORALITY that is really really really important.. and of course and I will hear someone saying MORALITY IS ALSO ARBITRARY HENCE EVERYTHING IS A SHIT...well you're the shit for thinking like that.. i mean common! if you want to do anything that you want regardless of how people will be affected by it then please do yourself a favor and kill yourself!...okay.. back to the topic.. the thing is.. the ONE and ONLY reason why a person is feeling BAD..is because that idiot is perceiving everything is GOD Damn BAD...see? that's it? then again..of course when you see pieces of half mutilated arm being thrown away at your direction and nude people are being fucked and devoured at the same time by other nude people while they are puking blood and bile at each other with sounds of pure ecstatic orgasms..then yeah..i suppose we can call it bad..fucked up shit even..=)

the point is simple.. take some time and look at your society..look to your surroundings.. sure people are killing each other.. sure people are taking advantage of each other and some are plain morrons..but hey.. that's life.. and life isn't so bad after all..there is still hope when you try to look for it.. there is still the future..a future that is full of possibilities..take advantage of it..and if you died before you get there?? WHAT THE HECK! your dead anyways..=)