Christmas GIFT

..ahhh.. christmas..CHRISTmas.

or should I say.. XMAS..kind of an idiotic abbreviation don't you think? ^^ anyways im not a die hard catholic so i really don't give a rat's ass..but then again out of respect for all my fellow human beings out there i'll just call it Christmas.

the past holiday revealed more things about my family.. things that i really didn't know..things that made me think and reevaluate my disposition when it comes to dealing with them..sure i can still predict their behaviors given a situation but apparently there are still a lot of things that i didn't know 'exist' in all of them.. for instance.. i have always thought that my nephew is a good for nothi'n lying bastard but you know what? talking to him really revealed that he is still a kid...a kid who is afraid and nothing to look on for empathy but a PC and all the online games that will just provide temporary respite..tsk..tsk..tsk..

ofcourse im not an 'intellectual bastard' who just says stuff just to look smart..sad to say kids.. NO..sorry to disappoint.. as i said i have always thought that he will be a BIG trouble to our family.. you know..because kids especially boys in their teenage years are nothing but WALKING PENISES controlled by their TESTOSTERONE..but as a human being who is eternally curious..i observed him...observe...observe.. got him to 'open-up' his emotional distresses and listen to covert languages amidst his social talk..but the definitive proof that i was looking for is the time when we three (Sis..the kid.. and ME) are in a MALL..the kid says his hungry so we decided to buy things in PAO TSIN (love the food there..hainanese rice..good shit man..) anyways..as usual..I distanced myself from the throngs and watched how this particular situation will play out for all of the 'pip's' within that space and time. When suddenly..sis came barging out of that space with a look on her face that says "GOD DAMN i GIVE up dealing with this SHIT"..and before i can slip out a word..she says (well..i don't really want to share the whole thing coz its quite ugly and undignified..so ill just rephrase it..) "I am disappointed in my son, because he did some mistakes in dealing with the cashier of Pao Tsin which should not have been done if one uses his brain.".. so there.. a somewhat accurate representation of what she said...and for all the "macabé" out there.. NO I WILL NOT TYPE THE EXACT THINGS that came out of her mouth..moving on..i looked to the kid standing there in a very perplexed posture..fanning himself with his shirt and wiping the sweats off his brow..one can not help but conclude that this person is "FUCKED up out of His MIND with FEAR.."..yeah kids.. HE is AFRAID.. so what i said was simple.."Takot lang yung bata..intindihin mo na lang.."..then i gazed in her eyes..and saw enlightenment to the situation...i let her be and stand beside the kid.. and i said "Wag kang matakot.. kaya mo yan.. tao lang yang mga yan.. at Pao Tsin lang yan.. para ka lang bumibili sa tindahan.."..and for me the most happiest thing that happened is when i saw my Sis stood beside the kid and said in plain text 'Wag kang matakot.'---- simple three words..yet a whole book is not enough to define its meaning...and YES..i am very very happy in that single seemingly insignificant moment..when an injured soul who was not able understand anything about the kid..reached out her hand and said that "I understand.."

and for that insignificant-less-than-a-minute situation i got my Christmas Gift.

Have you been in love?

Wow..i have never seen this coming.. me..talking about love..LOVE..my goodness.. to be honest im not really a romantic person.. i believe that LOVE is just a word.. love is just an expression invented by our human mind for the sake of procreation.. and kids..if you do not know.. procreation is vital to the survival of our species..so yeah..its is damn important...anyways..

why the hell did i put up this topic? i don't know!?! i have this rule of being spontaneous when write things on my blog..

are human beings really capable of love? are we really capable of doing anything for the sake of love? sacrificing anything and everything for your one and only... i believe so.. simply because i am in love..but then again this is not a FUZZY WARM BLOG.. this is called FUZZY LOGIC blog..so yeah..sorry to disappoint..=) have we ever stopped and think that LOVE is the same as purpose? as goals? do you believe that every life out there has meaning? has its own purpose.. you know.. look at the tree outside your house..(in case you're living in an urban hell hole then just look for a marijuana 'cannabis sativa' garden sticking on your neighbor's roof) it processes sunlight and create Oxygen as its waste...look at the maggots devouring a cat who didn't look left and right before crossing the street..its eating the corpse turning it into a goo of rich minerals essential to plant life..look at your office mate...working his ass off for his family..most importantly look at yourself..have you been doing what you want in life? if not...then why do you do it? or am i wrong to observe that your doing it for someone else.. for some one else....for some one you love..

perhaps..we all have our own reason why we do things the way we do things..

doing things for others that we love.. sacrificing some things in exchange of things that we want..perhaps things that we need from our loved ones.. doesn't it bother you that everything should be sacrificed? that everything that makes you YOU..should be let go of? think about it.. will it do you any favor to loose yourself..your soul..the thing that makes you HUMAN for your loved ones?? our PURPOSE? personally..i don't believe that everything should be sacrificed.. believe me it is very unhealthy..=)

every human being deserves to be loved..but most of all you must first learn to love yourself..to know that you care about you...BEFORE you care about others..

the point is simple.. if you can not love yourself... then you do not know the meaning of love.. and if you do not know the meaning of love.. then how can you express it? and if you can not express love..how can you love anyone?

so boys and girls..take it from me..i've been there..done that.. i've been alone..so disillusioned of everyone else.. so distrustful of everything..to the point of withdrawing from society.. i've been stuck to an illogical and atemporal thinking that I AM NOT OK...and EVERYONE else is OK....NOT good my friends..not good...=)

Contemplating on a lot of stuff.. and ofcourse reading a bunch of books told me that I am displaying symptoms of this life script that is really really really fucked-up shit!..i mean..WHY!? Why am i fucked up??!? well.. unsurprisingly I've already known the answer to that question.. and i do not want to talk about it right now..(reserved for another topic..not that anyone really bothers.)

..so next question.. WHY THE HELL AM I NOT OK?? well.. cause I am an IDIOT...that's why! hey!.. im not saying this for a self-defeating purpose okaY? i am so passed that.. what i am saying is.. i have always hated myself.. i have perceived myself as inferior to others.. and i have always drawn on this illusion that if I am JUSt this.. and this... and this.. and this... I will be OK.. but you know what?!? I am WRONG.. a person doesn't have to be Intelligent Enough.. to be athletic enough... to be musically gifted..OH my Bad.. let me rephrase that.. strumming-a-wooden-guitar-while-sitting-on-a-sidewalk-eyeing-each-and-every-girl-while-making-sure-they're-cute Enough to be OK..

kids..it doesn't work that way..the first and foremost of all the steps that you have to take in life... is to accept who you are..to know your abilities.. to love each and everything about you..to transcend all there is..

then..everything will fall in to place with clock work efficiency..soon you will see what you want to improve..soon you will know your purpose..soon you will know the meaning of life..of YOUR life.. suddenly you will find yourself behaving that everyday might be your last..your attitude..changed.. your eyes see more clearly..you will embark on a journey to reach your goals..and someday you will look back and see that the first time you loved is the first time you really LIVED..LOVE..gotta love that word.. don't you think? =)

Defiant Class - USS Dauntless

Well as you see I am also a fan of Star Trek.. if you don't like it.. shoot yourself in the head or you can just walk away feeling sorry for yourself for not being to satisfy your curiosity on what the author would like to share..

Defiant..defy..

a word is it not? do we really what it means to defy? to be defiant of everything just to get to your goal..are humans really capable of such things... to defy the world to achieve greatness!! ahh.. such phrases...it is true that for all the advances of humankind in all the sciences we still know next to nothing on what it means to be human.. sure there are a lot of theories out there.. human nature, determinism, gestalt psychology, rogerian psychology, psychoanalysis, behaviorism, anti-humanism, secularism...but you know what?? we still know "Squat" about what it really means to be human.. maybe because we all have different point of views? different perspectives? different ideologies? different..or maybe we already found out the answer to that question...that being human.. is being different from each other.. difference..

Reality - Good - Bad - what the heck!

Hello everyone..Its me..typing again to this blog that no one knows (care) about. But you know what? DOn't care.. =)

OKay..well..indeed it has been awhile since I visited my blog.. simply because I do not have the will or inspiration to do it.. besides..i don't want to bore the audience of ranting about the same thing is it?? ^^ God knows my dreams and my mind was lately in the dark..so many dreams forth telling doom..my mind fully awake to the road going to damnation, and I seem powerless to stop the ride..or is it? or is it just an ordinary road..a path called life? well.. we are humans.. and as humans we are all entitled to an 'ABSOLUTE FREEDOM' of perceiving our own reality.. Gotta Love that information.. it has a nice ring to it?? don't you think? =)

Well..for all the pessimist, lifeless, cynical and hopeless bastards our there..I am sorry to disappoint...but its true..we all have the freedom to perceive our environment as we see fit.. to make our own reality..and to deal with it accordingly.. as the famous experiment goes.. "Its half empty - half full"..you know what I mean! hehe =P

so its surprising to notice..that "HEY! What the Fuck!" i find myself staring at a SHIT on the roadside disregarding all that life has to offer..or all the options available to one such idiot named RJ PROFUGO..=P

WuuOouUuww man..i said my name.. that's a new one.. anyways..

obviously a lot of things happened while I was 'staring at that SHIT'.. good things.bad things.. but most certainly things.. and one thing that really stuck to my mind while attending my class in psychotherapy is that everything is arbitrary..reality is not a FIXED object.. a fact maybe interpreted in a variety of ways.. just as how our genetics are varied..just as how we see things differently... is that a BAD thing? a GOOD thing?? HOw about..NO!? NEITHER is the correct answer.. it is just a THING. no GOOD..no BAD.. its just our bigotry or xenophobic idiocies that makes us believe that there is such a thing.. however, do not get me wrong here..im not some A-Hole advocating anarchy or anything like that.. what Im saying is that GOOD and BAD doesn't really matter..its your MORALITY that is really really really important.. and of course and I will hear someone saying MORALITY IS ALSO ARBITRARY HENCE EVERYTHING IS A SHIT...well you're the shit for thinking like that.. i mean common! if you want to do anything that you want regardless of how people will be affected by it then please do yourself a favor and kill yourself!...okay.. back to the topic.. the thing is.. the ONE and ONLY reason why a person is feeling BAD..is because that idiot is perceiving everything is GOD Damn BAD...see? that's it? then again..of course when you see pieces of half mutilated arm being thrown away at your direction and nude people are being fucked and devoured at the same time by other nude people while they are puking blood and bile at each other with sounds of pure ecstatic orgasms..then yeah..i suppose we can call it bad..fucked up shit even..=)

the point is simple.. take some time and look at your society..look to your surroundings.. sure people are killing each other.. sure people are taking advantage of each other and some are plain morrons..but hey.. that's life.. and life isn't so bad after all..there is still hope when you try to look for it.. there is still the future..a future that is full of possibilities..take advantage of it..and if you died before you get there?? WHAT THE HECK! your dead anyways..=)

Gotta Love that Irony Part 2

Sept. 17, 2010
13:16

Did not eat anything..
Starved myself..

I still wasn't able to fit into my clothes..

19:45

I burped..

Sept. 17, 2010
15:06

I got a new PC game..
I was happy as hell.. i love it!

lost my celfone......

Sept. 17, 2010
15:17

Don't want to go to work..
I sat in my seat and I got right in the mood for work..

The PC went nuts......shut itself down for no apparent reason......

Gotta love that Irony

Sept. 16, 2010
Approx. 23:00

Had my MP3 on...
Listening to 'Vitalic-My Friend Dario'..
A song perfectly attuned for street racing..

Found myself staring on very long stretch of a traffic jam..

Sept. 13, 2010
Approx 23:15

In an FX minding staring on the road home..
A girl sitting behind me..Her phone rang..she answered
"Nasa Quiapo na ko. Hindi ba pwede sa Philcoa na lang? May pamasahe pa ba kayo papunta dun?"

One does'nt have enough money to go to a place....yet One have enough money to buy a celphone load..

Sept. 17, 2010
Approx. 12:00

Sitting on the front of a PC typing..
Will eventually get up go to work..
Work that brings death to all his senses..

Yet work that keeps him alive..

perhaps its for the best

i just want to rest..

lately i've been hearing those words howling in my mind.

i just want to rest..

i know i have a lot of things to do..goals to achieve.. conflicts to settle

i just want to rest..

i had a dream where i saw my long dead cousin..we talked and i was happy..

i just want to rest..

i have to go to work..to pay the bills and prepare for life..

i just want to rest..

i must wake up and stand up straight...face the world

i just want to rest..

i must be happy a smile on my face..or my love ones will be worried

i just want to rest..

things to do...

responsibilities to address..

chores to attend...

lords to satisfy..

loved ones to cherish...

loved ones to burden..

loved ones to be burdened..

life to toil...

feelings to consider...

future family to fight...

a family to care..

a man emerged...

a child that was lost...

things to do..

things to consider..

i just want to rest...

Board Game

Indeed it has been a while. Its been weeks before I summoned enough courage to write something about what I thought again. I am not a person who flaunts what I think but I guess this is not flaunting if I just write what I feel and what I have thought of for a long time.

Almost everything sucked a lot here. I have a plan to just spend time with the family but lets just say that things got a little unpredictable and i was surprised when things got a little crowded. I dont really want to discuss about it. it sucked a lot.. anyways its not that integral to my thought anyway....

Night came and me any girlfriend are bored out of our wits. So to burn the time I asked her to get the "master mind" and play it. Well I do not know if a lot of people know the game. Lets just say that it is a game where you try to guess a combination of colors hidden by your opponent. Your opponent in turn gives out clues if you are nearing the goal or not. And yes.. it has a limited amount of turn to guess it right. So here we are playing the time away when I was surprised how she easily guessed my combinations. In fact she guessed it within two turns. Now im not being a sanctimonious bastard here..and certainly i am not underestimating her logic...it is just that logically it will take at least four turns to guess the combinations because of permutation......so yes.. it was luck...she is a very lucky person.... anyways we moved on to another board game.. the classic snakes and ladders... and yes my fortune sucks yet again.. i do not want to whine..oh yeah i changed my mind.. yes i want to whine..because i always got bitten by a god damn snake and i rarely went up the ladder..of course she gets bitten by a snake once in a while but always got up the ladder..just like my fuckin life..Yeah im sorry there are no learning shits here.. no inspiring messages.. nothing..just a fucked up whine.....and a fucked up shit that is my life...i do not know.. maybe someday i will consult a feng shui expert and find out the bad vibes inside my body... perhaps my hands should be located in the north or in the south west of my legs or something..or maybe my feet should be located in my shoulders. Yep. thats what ill do.. ill consult a feng shui expert find out where my hands or feet or eyes should be located and pay an illegal surgeon to rearrange my body to invite good vibes as much as possible.. heck i may look like a mutilated mutant corpse in the future but atleast ill be lucky.

3 Things Women ought to know

Having a broken ligament can have its advantages. Now, i have more time to watch the programs that interests me. And given how different I think from most human beings, i find myself surfing the TV 80% of the time. I mean Common!! Is that the best we can do? 80% of the programs are about teens! and Stuff that really doesn't matter.. so there I'm virtually stuck at 6 channels. History Channel, Discovery Channel, Nat Geo, Crime and Investigation, and Bio.

Well atleast i'm entertained and i got the creeps from every interesting information all around the globe..it really pumped up my brain and that is the way i liked it. let's start with women..


Stuff Women Ought to Know..

1.) In India, Men are a priced Commodity. Instead of the Men paying huge sums of money in dowry for Women.. the Indians do it the other way around. If a family has a daughter and they want their daughter to be married *which is one of the holiest tradition in the country* they have to pay...PAY a LOT of Assets for the Man. Objectively, this is okay because it is their tradition and culture. But we can't ignore its down side and reality. Even though India is a member of G20..it also has one of the widest gap in social wealth. Henceforth..a high percentage of its 1.1 Billion population is poor. Which leads to a high percentage of its families were not able to afford a dowry for their daughters..which unfortunately leads to a high percentage of theirs daughters 'unwanted'. Unwanted to the point that if a woman has a girl inside her belly..chances are that woman will go to the hospital for an abortion. Others who has no money for an abortion will go on with their pregnancy then abandon their daughters wherever they see fit. On the side of the road..on the middle of the field..wherever..but if a woman has a BOY in her belly..she will rejoice and spread the good news to the whole neighborhood. In fact when a boy is born the whole family will have a festival for TEN straight days. A party without end wherein the mother together with the Boy's Aunts, Sisters and Grandmother will sing and dance in praises for this wonderful gift..ain't that an irony.. probably the women of the household all had the same fate of being ignored and treated poorly by their own family for being a woman but here they are crying their hearts out in JOY for this boy..then again it is their culture and i respect that. I'm not a faminist *i kinda hate feminists or atleast the radical ones..i mean yes i also believe in equal respect for both genders but we have to accept the reality that women are not better than men..nor it is the other way around..MEN and WOMEN have their own strengths and weaknesses that is complimented by one another..bottom line is..MEN are good for what they do good and what their supposed to do. WOMEN are good for what they do good and what their supposed to do * but common!!..i personally think that it’s oppressive. So for all the feminists out there in living in this country… be HAPPY that we are not in India.

2.) Women are more practical than Men. Of course I can hear the uproar from the crowd of insipid thinkers out there. But hey..we have to admit. Women are more Practical than Men. And do you know why? Recent studies have shown that Women have this intrinsic desire and attitude to weigh things in a much more practical yet complex ways than Men. Natural Selection has armed the brains of Women to consider her mate *Yes. This is about Sex* in a much more practical way in the sense that she chooses her mate with the sole purpose of the resources a male has in raising her young. Okay for all the Men out there screaming "HEY! Its Not Fair! I am not an Ayala! or a Lopez to compete for a Wife!" believe me gents..ALL is not LOST. This is where the 'more complex' thing comes in to save us. Resources..is not just about money. Of course money is included in it *given how our society is so hooked up with it.but in certain cases it may be cattle or dung..i don't know it depends on the culture.* but it may also implies our physical prowess..*Then I come in and say: "What About me!!? I'm Fat!! I'm so weak I can't even lift a 5 pounds weight without having muscle sores in the morning!"*..yet again resources is not also about physical prowess and money.. it may also imply your thinking, or your attributes that a female may desire to have for their young. Speaking of attributes this may correspond to your specific immunities or genetic traits that is beneficial to the next generation of the human gene pool. And too bad for us only females have those intrinsic characteristics to determine those kinds of things....that is why they are called COMPLEX. Being a man..i'm still at a loss how they think.. let's just leave at that..

3.) Women are more voracious in sex than men. I'm kinda sure women already know this stuff.. COmmon! We're all adults here..you know what I'm talking about. Women are more eager to mate because it is embedded in their genes to produce more youngs. Of course Men have the desire to sire their own youngs as well and spread their genes but women are more apt to it than men. And that is all there is to it. Perhaps a more subtle perspective is to just observe and admire the female body. Every crevice, nooks and cranny are designed by nature for nourishing. Unlike the brutish, hair filled, muscular, and ugly male body designed for hard work. So that's it.. women=nourish men=hard work-until-you-die

Whew..well its time to say goodbye for now.. There are plenty of things that I still want to write..but in keeping with my ritual of relishing the good times, I will delay it for the moment. Let the good times roll and please feel free to read, digest and think of the stuff I have written. It may help you in dealing with the most wonderful, yet complex beings God has created. An ode to the Magnificence of Nature.

Women.

When it Rains..it Pours..

11:06..a hot sunny day in my room...sitting in front of a computer with occasional throbs of pain shooting from my knee to the whole of my left leg. wondering what tomorrow will bring..normally i would just sit or lie down in the bed whole day using my crutch as a remote for the TV..but then again i was overcame by my desire to write something to day..to a blog that no one really cares about... and no one really knows that exist but me..a horrible tribute to my life in this earth. only a handful of people knows me..and a "handful-from-that-handful" cares..then again i don't really care. i don't expect others to care. its normal for me to get the least amount of 'life's good stuff' to care. in fact I've been living this way all my life that i find comfort in it. comfort that no one cares about me. comfort that i will be left alone. comfort that no matter what i do will amount to nothing.

it has been 6 days since i was stuck in this room. normal people will seldom say it but i had fun being stuck in this quadrilateral space. i mean i can do what i want.. and that is NOT to go to my company and work. but days passed on i suddenly felt very depressed. how useless and invalid i have been. now i can not even go to work to earn a meager living..it sucks but i have to say it.. i miss my work.. my stupid.. pathetic degrading unfulfilling slave BPO work..and do you know why? because that pathetic excuse for a company that i know will not get me anywhere is the only company that accepted me.. ME...an underachiever idiot.. and a loser... maybe that is the reason why i have now considerable patience in dealing with people in my company. i am now less irritated and less bothered by their 'high school-ish' antics..you know why? because we're all the same. we're all stuck in this slave labor. we're all losers. and I AM ONE OF THEM. we all know the same things.. we all do the same things.. and god forbid we will achieve the same things...things that does not really matter.. things that will fade away like a foam on the sands in a retreating sea.

as much as i rant about it.. as much as i fight.. as i hate...it is the only thing that i know..and it sucks.. sucks so bad because i find myself AGAIN in the middle of two opposing forces..stuck YET AGAIN in a situation that I do not like..but amidst that very uncomfortable situation i formed a shell...a box where i can be comfortable.. and i found comfort in it.. just the same as i found my comfort in my family's 'past problems'..then again.. as much as i find it comforting to be the way i am i know that this will not suffice. this technique will not work again.. i am now an adult. a man that will someday build his own family. build his own home and build his own road to life..

the question is... do i have what it takes?

*not shown in the blog but i took a rest and spent a good amount of time thinking*

after careful thinking..yes. i have what it takes..simply because i am a very resilient man. i can take a 'SHITLOAD' of pain OUTSIDE and INSIDE. i remember the day when i just had my accident.. ofcourse the 'blessed' filipinos *Ako'y Isang Mabuting Pilipino playing in the background* on the jeepney LAUGHED at me when i fell down KNEE FIRST *naturally absorbing all the force of my goddamn FAT body which can be expressed as F=ma* from the back of an FX. Even though it hurts like hell from the outside and my emotions are being ripped apart from the inside...*believe me it hurts like hell. my face still grimace thinking about it* i got up.wiped the mud off my pants..then with every HELL shooting from my knee radiating itself all over my leg..walked to the waiting shuttle to my work..i lifted my leg..*which hurts as an EXTRA FIERY HELL X2* to get on the shuttle and logged in. i rested a bit..then climbed the stairs to the fourth floor..i endured it all because i thought that "Well..there's nothing i can do but endure this shit..might as well finish this day.".....and if that's not enough.. BASYANG HAS TO COME IN AND FUCK ME...ain't life peachy!?? Honestly i never ever felt this 'challenged'..my ligaments on my knee is screaming, and trashing, and fucking my whole body..and now i have to deal and struggle from all of this with a FUCKING STORM! WOW...now that's great!...that's life.. that's MY LIFE! As the saying goes.. when it rains it pours....well its okay if its raining good stuff...too bad for me.. the saying only applies not to the bad stuff...BUT THE FUCKED-UP Stuff! Yeah. Great. Well.. as i peer into the howling night with all of my co-employees stranded in the front of our company..i can not help but smile..thinking what i have done wrong to deserved to be fucked like this.. then again.. i said to my friend "REPA! We will not give up without a fight! Kapag medyo humina na ang hangin pumunta na tayo sa motor mo at umalis na tayo!".. with a determined looked on his face..he agreed.. the wind died down for a bit.. we immediately got passed all the normal people looking on in the night like scared puppies right out from a womb and braved the night..ofcourse it still hurts like hell..and now i found out that the only reason why it didn't hurt just as bad as THIS NIGHT is because of the adrenaline.. NOW im walking in a middle of the wrath of basyang with chaos going on all around me with TWICE as HELL shooting from my knee! wow again..then again i thought.. "GOD DAMN! I WILL GET HOME!" so i walked..inch by inch soaked with rain and wind pressing against me until i get to my friend.. i got to his scooter lifting my legs yet again..*QUADRUPLE PAIN* and rode through the flooded streets with every bump hammering my knee like a blacksmith hammering a sword..god it hurts..so much..i have never felt this kind of pain in all my life..yet i endured..i got down from the scooter..thanked my friend and struggled to stand and wait for a ride home...eventually with all the pain and fucking..a familiar street comes to my horizon..it is home.. with the wind and rain bashing me with all her might..i walked on..i walked on inch by inch until i got to my room..until i saw a familiar face...with a smile..reaching and hugging me...i thought "Thank God I am Home."

so there it is..i know that i can do this.i can change. i can overcome all of the SHIT that life throws at me because of all the people i know..no one has experienced more SHIT than I have. From Grade 2 until now..LIFE is still fucking me but i DON'T CARE. i will endure and i will always come back smiling.=)

P.S.
Thanks to my beautiful and loving girlfriend, without you i will not have the energy to keep on fighting for the future.

And to my Bestfriend *i hope i can call you that repa.* Thank You. Without you i will never have the guts to face and enjoy the present. I wish you and your girlfriend a happy future.

Road

A long winding road strectches from east to west. Rumor has it that this road leads to a land of milk and honey. Where everywhere you look you see happiness. People laughing, smiling and dancing all day long. Where you can pursue your own happiness and you will have the opportunity to do it. A city where every people's hearts and minds are open. Where everyone is equal, where everyone can be who they want them to be.

No more pretentions.. no more masks..no more sadness.

People started walking this road..hoping that they can find a better place..

A young man is seen walking on that mythical road. With a smile on his face and head help up high. Eyes beaming with hope and fixed to the end of this long road. Without warning a sandstorm appeared and blew the young man off course. He fell unconscious..darkness ensues..

He woke up the next morning and saw an old man perched not far from him. He took the time to collect his thoughts and remembered that fateful day that he was blown off course. As he sat up, he noticed that the old man is still sitting on an old tree husk quietly surveying every move he takes.

Man: Why are spying on me?

The old man said nothing...

Man: Hey! Are you listening?

A gust of wind and rustling of leaves served as the answer.

"Clearly this man is sick in the head.", the man thought.

Old Man: Eat.

"Oh..so he is not deaf after all."

Man: Eat what? All I can see is grass!

Old Man: Here.

He tosses a half load of bread... A dirty dusty loaf of bread obviously the bread has been travelling with the man for a ver long time.

Man: Thanks. Hey! Were you blown off course too?

The old man just looked at his guest. With a questioning look he squinted his eyes like a spear piercing his thought.

Man: Don't do that man! Are you a weirdo or something?

Old Man: No. Im not. Im just trying to see the true question hidden in your eyes.

He studied the Old Man closely. The weary face, dark tanned skin, full of wrinkles and scars. His hands have mud on it. Dirt and grime cover all his clothes, his posture about to give way but still held up straight. And the eyes...

The eyes.. the young man looked in his eyes and saw that he was not so different from him after all. The clear green eyes with hues of blue...His eyes are alert, eager like a kid just right out of a classroom. Yet cold and calculating like a hawk aloft the clouds. His shoulders are developed yet not over bearing. His hands are overworked but still retains the youthful glow...

'He is not old after all.'

Seeing that the young man is not confused anymore, the man smiled and started to approach him. He offered a flask full of water and started to talk. The man revealed about a lot of things about the road. He said that its full of dangers. Every turn may lead straight to a cliff. Every hill on the side of the road can be an ambush point. The young man listened in earnest on how to avoid the perils. He was captivated by the man's wisdom at such a young age. The discussion lasted for a day.. until the fires of their camp went out.

A new day has come, and the two rushed to the road to begin their journey anew. They travelled the road overcoming obstacles one after the other. The Man was pleased to see his new found friend reach new heights. Mile after mile was conquered with relative ease until a statue on the middle of the road was reached. The young man looked at his friend and said "What's this? Have you encountered this statue on one of your travels?", the Mysterious Man nodded with apparent blankness as if all the hope was sucked dry by the status looming ahead.

The man said to his young friend, "The statue ahead guards the city. That means we are getting close.". The young man was filled with such joy that he screamed and jumped like a two year old kid. The mysterious man remains silent.

..they walked on approaching the statue...until blackness engulfed them....

then a flash of light..

The young man woke up beside a bed in a luxurious room. Everything was white. The overall mood is happy, and tranquil. As if all the world's laughter and hope was compressed into a tiny room occupied by the man. He sat up and looked at his surroundings. A famiiar warmth fills the room...the smell of flowers, bees, honey and birds fills the air. A beam of sunlight penetrates the pure white curtains. "A feeling of spring" he says, while smiling. The covers are made with silk, the pillow nice and fluffy, and food rests a top a table covered white mantle...

Then he noticed that something is missing. His friend, "Where is he?" he exclaimed.

.......

A shriveled figure lay on the road. The mysterious man sat up slowly from the dirt and grime. He inspects his surroundings and said, "Luck has abandoned me again." with a calm smile he unbuttons his shirt and survey the 'lastest damage' from the previous encursion. He sees a big gash of wound instead of his chest. "Hmm.. the same as always.." he inspects the wound, blood oozing from the cavity, a stench fills the air..sweet sickly smell of blood..

He stood up.. careless of the blood, flowing like a river from the oozing cavity to the road below...

...in such a weak smile... he said "Maybe next time its different..Maybe next time I could finally go to the city.".... he walked to the side of the road..weak..so weak.. before he felt the familiar embrace of darkness he finally thought "Maybe this time I can rest..just for a while. Then tommorrow..perhaps I...."

Kids

11:10..i was supposed to go the gym..(yeah i know..its not that im vain or anything..but.. i already know the fact that i am now officially a 'Class 1 Obese' BMI >30..so there.) but i suddenly got the impulse to write..or im pretty sure that i just got the excuse not to go the gym again..hehe ^^

here goes..

just got back from the WC to take a nice dump of shit..when i heard kids outside just playing and doing 'kid-stuff'..normally i would be pissed because i hate kids..(there..i said it.. i HATE KIDS..i know its not normal..but i really..really..REALLY HATE KIDS..*grunt*) but this time its weird... i don't feel anything in particular..no hate..maybe that's because i suddenly remembered a scene way back when my mom, and nephew just got here in manila and started to coerce me in spending big bucks for a 'mall-experience' with my sister and girlfriend.. normally i would be pissed yet again because i know that im just going to waste time and money..but perhaps im getting soft..so i really had a good time. back to the scene.. my nephew was buying some stuff on a kiosk and said "Kuya!....ate...pabili ng gummy bear!"..O.K. so im guessing that you already have a picture on your mind about the situation..yes.. the store person..is gay. its funny really.. for us adults..we already have a rough idea to the so called 'Social Norms' established by our society..but kids.. kids will always be kids.. and kids even though their highly advanced relative to the kids way back in the 70's they still retain their innocence or ignorance.. i can not help but laugh..i saw the eyes of the lesbian and perceived its hate, then shame..then it turned again to blank..focused on giving the gummy bears to my nephew. i just looked on 'Denis' (nephew) sensing his apparent innocence as he trudged on to TimeZone where we intend to play.

As much as i hate kids because of their inherent stupidity..(i mean i only see them as little buggers scrambling senselessly to and fro causing havoc all the way)..i now find myself developing significant 'patience' when it comes to dealing with them...hmm.. weird..perhaps im getting old..too old that i am now finding myself drawn to them..their youthful smiles..stupid-goo-gaga eyes...and their cheerful demeanor and outlook in life..a far cry from the cold..calculating eyes of the adults..or better yet a goo-goo-ga-ga eyes of a stupid..idiotic countenance of an immature adult..EEOOWW..*shivers in disgust*

Or am i just missing my old self? back then i was cheerful and carefree... when im not bogged down by 'Social Norms' and so called ethics..there is no doubt about it..a kids life is fun..more fun than the adults..as for me..i just missed it..but im perfectly comfortable with my life as an adult..i have learned what it is to learn as a child..and i did not miss anything (perhaps the good stuff..and good treatments from the old people when i was a kid..yeah i know it sucks..i perfectly understand that..yep..cause im one ugly god damn..fat..smelly..kid..oh yes..i for one will LOATH and mistreat MYSELF when i see my kid-version..God i was UGLY as HELL! oh! i forgot..i have a skin of an aborigine too..so there..) not to be ready for the adult life.

yet everyday when i go to work i see kids hastily embracing the adult way of life. Kids in very short shorts.. kids in high heels..(my definition of kids = from high school down ok? and maybe college with high school cognitive traits..) kids in leggings..with panties saying "HI! Hello! HOw are you?" to the whole world..and to my dick..which is not good.. cause their kids..but it sucks..im a man..i can not help it im sorry....^^

or kids having a smoke..kids supposedly having the adult fun.. but their still kids..to loose their innocence on such a young age will have disastrous consequence..sooner they will loose their child-like outlook in life..sooner they will embrace the adult life..they will force themselves to be adults..or to be 'Adult-like'..they will try to behave like adults while retaining their immature physiology..they will focus all their energies on trying to be an adult.until they get what their wishing for..they will be adults.

and it will suck..they will see that life as an adult is much more complicated, much more tedious and will require a great amount of focus and responsibility. the social norms will bog them down just as it bogged us..and you know what happens next? They will fall...it is for the simple reason that they missed their childhood.. focusing, and obsessing too much on being an adult that they completely missed the childhood lessons..and traits that they will need in adult life.

henceforth..they will retreat..

retreat back to the childhood that they missed..

hence..we see adults behaving like kids..adults obsessed with regaining what they had..obsessed with the past when things are much more simpler.. when they see the world as a playground..see it as full of opportunities for play...for learning..for fun..but now it is all gone.. now they see the fact..that the world is full of threats.. mishaps.. and suffering..

its really sad and disappointing how their numbers swell this time and age..you see them all around us..senseless...happy..smiling..cool..idiotic...popular..idiotic yet again.. and with no ambition..

their doom sealed..

....eternally searching for the one thing that they can never be..

to be a kid.

A nice night to take a dip..

Its not particularly night here..i typed this right around 10:05..and the topic did not happen yesterday but last week..its just that with the G.S. and all i don't have much time for rest and relaxation for the mind. Should you want to waste your time then please read the senseless sense below..otherwise hit the 'back' button of your browser and get on with your life..^^

(Wednesday June 16, 2010 23:17)

Just got back from work.. as usual tired, abused, feeling crappy all over and sleepy. Of course i was greeted by the Mrs., had our usual talk, had my tea, went to the WC to take a shower. We had our usual discussion while in bed..waiting for the old 'sleep' to come by. She dozed off..and I in turn started to feel my old friend creeping in..as i was about to doze off my hand accidentally touched the floor....hmmm.. something's not right here..my hand feels cold....and WET...!??!? WET?? I opened my eyes and see the horrible mess besieging me..i looked at my hands and see that it is indeed wet.. im not dreaming!? and my hand is submerged to about an inch of water! "for all the sosyal out there..this is the perfect time to say your phrase..." OH MY GOD...as in OMG...our room is now currently filled by an inch of water!! and its not raining! and we are in the second floor!! and it really doesn't matter since a ROOM should not have water in the first place!!!

So i got up, switched on the lights to survey the mess.. the first order of business is to determine the source.. i looked on our water dispenser and its all good.. nothing wrong with that one..my gf said that she hears water pouring from the WC.. then the horrible truth played out inside my head..like a ram hitting its target's testicles..SHIT...i forgot to turn off the faucet when i had my shower...*DAN-DAN-DAAAANN*

I rushed to the WC..turned off the faucet.. and cursed the day...*sigh*

Of course im pissed because why a shit like this has to happen..and the worse part is..its my own God damn fault..so im so pissed that i actually felt my blood speeding its way to my forehead..PISSED.. then again.. it is my fault..and it happened.. so i took out a deep sigh..and said.. 'Oh Well.. SHit happens..'

I picked up a t-shirt from my stash of old clothes..went back in the room and started soaking up the water...and as i soak the water even more.. my mind started telling me something.. he said.. "Look at the bright side..at least the pool will be gone since the mess will be taken care of eventually." And you know what? He is RIGHT. The mess will be taken care of because im doing something to solve it. Indeed it takes time.. believe me it is LONG..i did not finish soaking up the last of the water until it is 04:00..so back to the point..i saw the FACT, i accepted the FACT, i sucked it all in and digest it, i thought about what to do with it because i don't like the fact that our room is a kiddie play pool. Then i do it..i persevere...i persevere..and persevere some more..because it is the only way to solve the mess..

As i was nearing the end..i thought of another bright side..At least i learned something new tonight..or today.. its an affirmation on what i have always believed in.. LIFE SUCKS...LIFE IS A BITCH.. and SHIT WILL ALWAYS HAPPEN..but I don't care..its LIFE..as long as we do what we must do and ENDURE..we'll get there eventually..

Demons

22:48 night has come yet again..the usual chatter surround the vehicle as it snakes the long winding road to lawton. the usual traffic... the usual faces..the usual eyes..some eager..some not..but almost always empty.

the usual as always..i divert my eyes to the streets ahead..looking at the pale yellow glow of street lights..looking at the strips of yellow paints in the road..looking at the people who wanders at night..but somehow they all look the same..

same as always..maybe it will be the same all over again..but this time maybe i'll do something to change it..i'll start something to make it right..maybe just maybe..

as i went down from the fx..look left and right to the passing lights and make my way through the cars and crowd i remember something that i used to do when i was a child...i used to...naaah its just too stupid to write..

then i found myself looking again at the lights waiting for a ride home..then i remember that i used too..

again stupid and pointless..im in another fx on the way home.. then i remember that i used to be so..happy. there i said it.. im used to be so happy almost all the time..perhaps it is because of innocence, perhaps i was just a happy person..or at least i could have been. then again..it is all in the past..there is nothing i can do to turn back what once was...

time..present..past..future..present. im stuck at present..yet glued to the past...whilst eyes fixed to the future..perhaps if my past was different..perhaps. then again it is all over now. tomorrow it will be the same..unless i change.

change..a funny word..with a funny note on the heart..somehow the word 'change' is ironic.. it is simple enough to say..but hard to do..

will it be the same over and over again? will i fear the same thing that i have feared when i was child? shall i do nothing but gaze at the future? or reach it.. to face it..to face the fears that has been plaguing my mind since i have known the truth. the truth about myself.. the part of me that shall forever be my enemy..my nemesis..my rival until the day i die..a war has been going on inside my head.. it seems that it has been going on for a very long time..a war that consumed my innocence, my happiness, my will..an eternal war where no one can be a victor..myself against myself.. fear..

we all have our demons..but this time..i will stand up. i will face them one-by-one..perhaps i can shed some light to the shadows..perhaps i can convince some of my demons to leave..perhaps i can now begin the trek from the past to the present and dream for a better future. perhaps this time we can have a truce..perhaps..

Necessities

late night..just came from work..tired..just want to drop dead on the bed to numb the never ending series of disappointments of this day. But somehow i am unable to sleep.. somehow i feel the urge to write something that i have been dealing with for the past few months.. well.. as mentioned i already have a girlfriend and i think and feel that she is the one.. the one im going to marry.. (well woopie doo!!) problem solved?!? If you have a brain the size of a walnut then yes... it is problem solved...but sad to say no... its not.. its far from being 'ladida' but 'shit..' indeed im already past the 'problem' most of the drama-queens out there are nagging about.. but as we all know life as we know it doesn't seem to just sit around and do nothing..NO sir..no.. life keeps just getting better and better!!

Well.. im not complaining about it.. of course im happy to the fact that i found the one that im going to marry..that now my life has a direction and a constant reminder that my life is really a 'L-I-F-E'...BUT.. yeah i know there's a big BUT..but the thing is..one problem solved and a whole lot of problems appear all the fuckin same time.. and do you know what that is?? FUTURE my friend..FUTURE.. OUR FUTURE..damn it..*sigh*

..HOUSE..LOT..CAR.. three horrific things that has been haunting my every footsteps for the past couple of months.. its like a tiny worm eating my brain..and it sucks.. sucks so bad that its beginning to disrupt my cognitive thinking..God.. i mean.. im walking down the street to get to work then the next thing i know im thinking on HOW to get those freakin things!! MAN THAT SUCKS! and worse..i cant get my mind to stop thinking about those things..its killing me!!

as we all know im just a slave on a bpo company earning a salary of around 15K per month.. my estimated NET pay is around 7+K (given that i have minimum tardiness and no absences...tch! tough luck!) my salary is barely able to cover my meager existence..(believe me its meager..i am yet to buy a freakin shirt on a department store for the past 3years...all of my clothes are 'ukay' worth 25php-50php) and now im forced to deal with the reality that i have to find a way to get a HOUSE, LOT and a CAR..wow.. that sucks...and "PAG IBIG ANG KASAGUTAN KABAYAN!" is NOT the answer my friend.. its just not enough...

Breaktime last 17:00 my buddy and i was talking about owning a house and lot in San Pedro Laguna..he asked me if i was interested in an 80sq. km. lot for 500,000php.. he told me that if it was financed through Pag-Ibig then the cost for the lot will be around 5K for 25 years.. so i said.. "okay fair enough." then he said.. that it was only for the lot.. a house will cost 1.2 million pesos..i said "OK..." then a torrent of thoughts flood my mind... it like a tsunami that suddenly hit me HARD in the face saying YOUR A LOSER!! shit that sucks!

You know what? it really is hard to be a 'responsible' man in this country. ofcourse girls will say.."YOu guys have nothing of the hardships that we WOMEN endure everyday! and unlike you guys all you do is to fuck us and the baby will be carried by me for nine months and we have to be a slave forever to our kids and to you!!" <-- ass..

well you do have a point.. it is hard to carry a bulge for nine months.. and yes a guy's only work is to stick his dick to the female orifice...IF THAT Guy is just a MAN.. What im saying here is to be a 'RESPONSIBLE' MAN. Sure! yeah.. it is easy to be a man.. you know? as mentioned i just have to fuck, then stand around with my bulging belly with no shirt on, joke around with my 'manly man' friends, talk about basketball, girls, then basketball again..have a drink all day long.. wait for the salary of my wife.. get the daily 'limos' of my kids..(8 boys + 3 girls)..and then drink my ass off until late in the evening.. then go to my wife and fuck her again.. yep.. let it be known that i do not dispute the FACT that living a MAN's life is EASY.

THEN AGAIN..im talking about being a responsible husband and a parent.. now THAT IS HARD.. to be a provider..to be the leader of the family.. to be the shield of your wife and kids from the dangers of this God Awful Society.. it is HARD..and now the three necessities that i have to provide is gnawing at my brain right now.. it sucks to admit that i really am having trouble thinking how the hell am i suppose to provide that..when i don't even have enough for myself.. i have done all the things that can be done to reduce my expenses but it is still not enough..

so to all the girls out there..give us some slack and get your responsibly stressed hubbys a kiss once in a while to remind him that he is being appreciated. it will help..not that im not getting that from gf..hahaha =)

the point is..im scared shitless of the...... yet another batch of mountains heading my way.. but for my loved ones..(and future loved ones) i will conquer them all.. besides.. we are talking about millions here.. its nothing! i can do it!? *again another sigh*

Yeah.. i know i can do it.. i must.. for me and my future family i will do it.. ill just have to teach at two universities once i finished my master's..besides i already have a crude plan..teach at AMA (20K+) and at some public school (14K)..see?? everything will be alright... the only problem is..its two to three years away..

Farewell M.J.

I did not plan on writing a blog this afternoon, nor the whole day. Yet as i begin my usual day at the office. i received an email informing me that a friend has passed away. Her name was M.J. she was a friend of my girlfriend. Indeed i do not know her long enough to call her my friend but her death made me sad.

M.J. had a career at 711 corp. as a Management Trainee. She was a graduate of U.P. with a degree on Engineering. She had a good heart and a real sense of professionalism. She was so professional to the point the she actually cried when she was reprimanded for a minor situation. Honestly she made me laugh that day, spilling her heart out in front of me and jerin (a.k.a. g.f.). Because of a situation that most of us will shrug off.

As I said, she had a good heart.. too good perhaps that she opted to leave everything (her career, her family, her well-being) just so she can serve God as a Nun. That move really surprised me, it was so bold and courageous that I found that i have a sudden deep respect for her. We have to admit that almost all of us are so attached to all of this things in our lives that we are afraid to loose them... afraid to shake the 'status quo', afraid to step up to the challenge, afraid to loose ourselves... but M.J. is different. She is willing to do anything, sacrifice everything she has to do what she WANTED to do.. and for that she have my respect and admiration.

time passes by unhindered.... i didn't have any more news from her.. well.. i know that she is having a good time. who wouldn't? but then..i received news that she needs blood donation for a certain sickness. Ofcourse i thought..naah its nothing..then..i found out she passed away.. she finally reached God directly. as a mere mortal i am sad.. but as i think about it..she's the most happiest of us all. finally...no more travelling to the scum infested streets of manila..no more tired sleepless nights.. no more back breaking work..no more thinking.... no more anxiety.. no more fears.. just rest.

happiness beyond our wildest dreams..sweet....eternal....rest with God.

People will say that it is sad..but i choose otherwise..i am truly happy for her..in fact i envy her. she found what she want in life...she also found what she wanted in death. rest..

i've been searching for it all my life... just to stop everything..to stop thinking... to stop..to rest...life as i see it is really really really ironic..those who deserves to live..dies... those who deserves death...lives.. but who are we to judge? maybe it is her fate..maybe it is my fate.

i don't have the courage that she had..almost all of her friends don't have it as well. but one thing is for sure... she thought us a valuable lesson. That is to STEP UP..do what you want to do. There will be risks there will be challenges, there will be sacrifices...but it doesn't matter. As long as you reach your goal...as lone as you are doing what you have always wanted.. then it is all worth it.

Business Process Outsourcing - 'God Save the BPO'

I finally mustered the courage to write again..i have been applying this new principle NOT to write anything...bad.. or discouraging. The reason for that is the negative emotions and attitude at that given time becomes imprinted more than the positive ones. And being a 'fun loving fat guy' that i am.. i chose not to write blogs like that. but here i am writing....hmm.. its not that im going to write positive-love-yourself blog..but i dunno..i guess a neutral one. wel.. i think i am not a goody-goody-positive-lovey-dovey guy today so lets just spill this out..

my girlfriend once told me (with a "i'm-sick-of-you-whining-look" on her face) 'why do you BPO workers are always degrading yourselves?!? You always say that you are miserable pathetic human beings that deserves sympathy?' ..whew.. that struck my innards so hard that i thought i'm going have fecal incontinence for a week...

Well.. why do i degrade myself? is it because of envy? hate? love perhaps? i really don't know... or maybe im just too proud of myself..to the point of REFUSING to believe that BPO is all i got for work? or maybe BPO is below me!? hmm... definitely needs more time to digest that.. well maybe i am wrong...maybe BPO is the place where i belong..i am at a lost of words to describe the feelings that i have right now.. maybe a mixture shock, hate, disappointment, and acceptance, hmm.. well i dont really have the words to describe it.. i remembered the time when i still have the morale to look for other jobs.. im in this interview session with a bank hr.. she ask me to describe my work.. i describe it diligently with full of details and passion... all she said was.."So your doing their job..(with an "i-don't-care-about-your-pathetic-loser-livelihood" face.)" WOW.. that really ROCKED my world.. as in wooOOooW like the swift descent from 150ft rail of a roller coaster..and it sucks..sucks so bad.. so bad that i still feel the urge to scream and punch the face of anyone near me whenever i remember that horrible degradation... then again she is right.. did you really think that a work on a BPO company is worth describing it as W-O-R-K? oh Hell no!! its just a LOOSE CHANGE from a wealthy passerby walking the streets of Holywood!! oh for God's sake!! how God Damn pathetic the philippines can be!??? My God... we therefore reached an all time low here folks.... wherein we can not have anymore jobs to the point we resorted to BEGGING the rich countries out there for Jobs that they do not want to do or simply too pathetic and degrading to do.......

That's it! Eureka! If found the answer to my question! I feel so low and violated because the J-O-B is not a J-O-B! Its CHARITY! Its just tasks that the rich folks DO NOT WANT TO DO! Its like roaming the streets of a subdivision yelling "Sir!! Mamm!! Baka po may LINO (lino=pig food=darak=scums on your plate after consuming a meal) kayo! Pahingi po pakain lang sa babOoooooYyYYy!!" Yep..exactly like that..

ofcourse there will be people who will say.."HEY! You fucking Ingrate! At least you have a job!!!" <- idiot...well if you don't have an ambition... yes.. or your too stupid and lazy to content yourself eating SCUMS then yes again your correct..people will say that i am too proud to the point of hubris.. but you know what!? I DON"T CARE! I will not give up without a fight! I will continue being angry and discontented because it makes me alive...ALIVE FOLKS! Can you not see the inevitable? The reality of it all? Being contented on PIG FOOD is not healthy..believe me it sucks. if you have dreams, if you have ambition, if you are ALIVE..then FIGHT for it. The odds are insurmountable... push through.. besides we don't have any choice..

in two years time i will finish my master's degree..i will become a college professor..i know that there will be other challenges to meet..but HEY! I have the CAREER that I want! So probably it will not suck more than this..

Until my destiny has been revealed to me... then i will do everything that i can to change my fate.. as a parting message for me.."Fight on! You lowly scum! Unless you want to die a pathetic loser!?"

A funny, Imaginative, Nicotine, Caffeneited, Saturday Morning

Just woke up with a smile on my face realizing that it is Saturday. There's no work.. no more pretending.. no more stranger's eyes to meet.. just you. Free to imagine, think of stuff, do some stuff, and to not to do stuff. =)

Ain't life great?!? Naaahh... well not that much actually. Or we can say that it depends. Of course if you are a miserable evil person that winds up alone with no one to talk to, then I am guessing that weekends will suck.. it sucks because being an egotistical bastard that finds delight in flaunting your OH SO MAGNIFICENT POWER in the office, WEEKEND will certainly spell DOOM to you. Tough Luck! Weekends are the average normal person's delight!!

* Hint 'WALPOL' (no..its not an Author of a Statistics Book..)

Moving on to a Normal Person's Life... what is the promise of weekend for us ordinary blokes? Yes.. FUN! We can meet girls.. we can hook up with friends... we can do stuff that is fun or perhaps stuff that makes us think and evaluate our lives.. in other words.. enrichment and entertainment. I am now an advocate of appreciating what we can in life.. so yes! Go! Have Fun! =)

In my case, weekends are for relaxing..........ahhhhhh.. nice..just staring out in the window..peering at the passing clouds and imagining stuff. Conversations with the one I Love... then spending hours in the PC games. Perhaps a normal 'Manly Man' will view my weekend as boring....well i don't blame them... it is kind of boring if you simulate the situation on your mind. I mean.. if you see a bloke just staring out into space hunched in one corner of the room.. what is the first thing that will pop-up in your mind? WEIRDO... bingo! hehe.. Perhaps it is true.... or perhaps testosterone or estrogen has already filled your brain to the point that it already constricted your thinking.. then bub..listen to this.. we all have our fun! Don't mess with us! As the popular saying goes.. "Walang Basagan ng Trip!" if you ask me I'll Say it like this 'Walang Basagan ng Trip Putang Ina!!'. Fortunately I look normal and tough enough not to encourage direct confrontations with Testes/Ovary Thinkers.. they'll going to have a Not So good day if they do.

My apologies for veering of the topic once again..^^ i guess i just had a little too much coffee and cigarette. So the point again is simple. We all have different definition of fun.. we are different people with different needs with different life experiences with different reactions to every stigma that came to our life...so there we are all different. Henceforth, if we all want to have fun then it is advised to use your brain before doing anything rash.. let us not be so eager to judge others just because we do not know them.. and for people who are judgemental (like me for instance) it is advised to first observe them. Keyword.. OBSERVE. Like a game hunter in a savannah, patiently observe the animal in his/her natural environment, i.e., a girl in a coffee table talking with friends. Look for her mannerisms, expressions on her face, the movement of her feet under the table (ehem..it is advised not to look in their crotch if you know what's good for you..) every wave of her hands while expressing a point, if you can then look at her eyes, listen to every note on her voice while expressing an opinion.. do that for a week or so.. then JUDGE! Woot! The Fun part.

Yeah I know people often mistake me for a fun loving fat guy.. and yes I am a fun loving fat guy! =) But of course there is more for me than just being a fun loving fat guy.. and the word "FUN" in that phrase has a different meaning. The point yet again is diversity and discrimination (the neutral discrimination mind you.. not the negative one..) unless we stop being human then we will always look for a 'something-something' that makes that guy or gal unique! And if you ask me, a perfect way to know how unique that person.. is to observe that person's "fun".

Group

10:12 AM June 2, 2010.

Seems like an ordinary hot sunny day... i woke up with no one in sight since she already went to work. As I get up from bed i instinctively reach our electronic heater to prepare my coffee. Nothing like a dose of caffeine and nicotine to jumpstart my brain. When I turned it on, nothing happens... WHAT! Damn it!... seems like there's no electricity…or should I say current.. so what did i do? Well… i reach for a cigar and wait...... wait... wait... another cigar.. then wait again...30 minutes past and the current kicks in. Yey… I can finally have my coffee. While still teetering between dreamland and reality I kind of noticed that its been years since I have this peace inside my mind.. yeah sure the warring factions are still inside my head, but i think that somehow they calmed a little bit.. and relatively i call it peace…its a nice feeling.. warm and cozy. As I turn on my PC to play.. i suddenly decided to listen to my collection of some weird and some common music.. I listened to a soundtrack of Matrix Revolutions.. maybe you guys have heard of that.. the end credits. Turns out its title is 'Navras' by Juno Reactor and Jon Davis. I love that music....I’m not an expert in music.. in fact I consider myself a novice when it comes to that art...gut i guess it belongs to Techno Trance with a neo classical element to it. Its great to dive to its notes. Somehow it really reached out and riveted my head to a chaotic swirl of emotions... opposing elements come together to create this melody that is so rich and alive that it makes you want to jump like a 5 year old on a queen sized bed…yet again it transmits emotions that will hold you in your seat entranced to its beauty that you can not help but just sit back and relax. The music is a careful balance of East and West, of four cultures working together. The Rich Orchestra and chorale of the west... the strange yet rhythmic African drums… the sweet melody of Hindu Chants and the wild diverse singing of the middle east.

Sometimes I really wonder why people are always driven to bigotry.. through the years of observing and researching about the behavior of individual persons and its society I have come to notice that people really do want to clump together. No? To form groups of their own and then ostracized others because they 'out from our group'. Its really interesting that people can not live peacefully without hurting others by discrimination, by stereotyping, by ostracizing those who they believe is not worthy of their groups or by simply the acts of aggression because of difference. I have to admit that back then when I was a young idealist I scorn and abhor those practices. It makes me sick to think that people can actually do that. To simply ignore you perhaps because of your looks or beliefs. But now, I came to understand that… shall I say ritual.. or that defense mechanism.. Just like monkeys in the forest, humans are a very social creature. We enjoy the company of others and yes… it is riveted inside our genes to clump together.. its rationale is "Numbers equals strength, Strength = greater survivability". And we all know how dangerous the world is millennia ago. But now that we have reached this so called information age… why do people cling to this instinct to band together?? Simple…because it is the basic formation of civilization. Of course everything have to start somewhere… and this started from the basic unit… Family… then we breed...we see clans... then natural selection takes over then we see a village… then we see towns so on and so forth. And without people banding together for mutual support and protection, then we should have been extinct a long time ago. See? 'Herd Mentality' as sociologists call it has its advantages...it has its purpose... its a shield that protects us from the unspeakable horrors of this world... may it be physical threats or mental threats (anxiety for instance). Its not surprising if you ask Why the HELL am I wasting my time writing this discussion if there is no problem... well my friend… everything has its ugly side.. including this Herd Mentality.. Heck even the sun who is the ultimate life giving force in the solar system has its bad side. 2 billion years and it will incinerate us all in a very very very excruciating, scalding, hot, fire ball of doom...well atleast were long dead before that happens! Yey!

So herd mentality… certainly it has its good side… the other side of the coin is it leads to complacency. Sure it protects us from harm and the anxiety of everyday living however it also discourages 'Thinking'. It suppresses 'Individuality'. How the hell did i come to that conclusion? Ask the scientists…they'll give you the answer.. fine.. since I can not resist discussing this matter a little longer then I'll write what they have said albeit with a little editing done to properly transmit the thought.

Okay.. Thinking and Individuality.. well... what do you notice in the range of topics that you and your friends often talk about?? Ahh.. let's see......hmm... the topics that generally belongs to the same category over and over again.. and do you know why? Simple.... the elements in the group (elements are the people..and that includes you..well if you consider yourself a person that is..) has his or her own personality... his or her own experiences... "HEY!! So it encourages thinking because we all have different points of views! and we all think!" Shut up and let me finish... sure sure.. individual elements have different personalities and cognitive perceptions.. but you may have overlooked the fact that elements will not form into a group if the elements does not have a common ground to start from. It serves as its anchor or foundation that builts the particular group ground up. If you are still going to contend that a group can have different kinds of people in it... then your absolutely right! It is! Group have differenet elements! But the point is... they all share something in common. May it be political beliefs, right chick to boink, sports, or whatever topics requiring little or no thought to a more advanced scholarly discussion. Okay..its established...hmm..as discussed the topics generally belongs to the same range of categories…that is because the elements belonging to the same group is naturally drawn to get the approval of the group. And to get the approval of the group, we unconsciously 'moderate' our thinking just enough so that we can synchronize with the members of the group. And that synchronization leads to interesting discussion, feelings of belongingness, and approval albeit with a little loss of your individual self which is a great trade off.

Okay.. okay.. people with close minds will say yet again that "NO! I’m not loosing my self with my group! I can always say what I want and do what I want with the group because I am the BOSS!" <--- fool.............................. it really is not surprising that if we can somehow peer into the minds of his members, you will see their utter disgust. You see.. we all have a certain range.. an upper ceiling and lower floor if I may, that should one trespass irresponsibly and stupidly...then one will get the groups ire. Then you will see gossips...then you will see hatred... then you will see chaos.. then you will see low morale to the eventual dissolution of the group or one's own expulsion.

So what's the point of all this? Simple.. let us not be bigots who are always inclined to look down upon others who we see as not part of our group. Instead of isolation, why not opt for expansion? Let us open our eyes and mind to other great possibilities... other horizons to explore... other hearts to open and entertain. Honestly.. let us form a wider group... one that is understanding and tolerate of change and difference. Let us make a world wide group. After all.... we all belong to one group...'Humans'.

Think

Breaktime, maybe it’s the only time at my company where I am free to think. Somehow while I enjoy the meal that I prepared, my mind is temporarily shifted to another place and time that is somehow familiar and distant at the same time. Familiar in the sense that I’ve been acquainted with the place. Retreat.. I believe that is what I call them. Distant in the sense that I can never truly get to that place. Places where I can always be myself.. or better yet.. places where I can be who I want me to be… Seems far fetched but I would have always wanted to lecture about something. Sometimes I imagine myself as a priest… giving a sermon on how stupid our society has become. There are times that I imagine myself screaming in anger while I order two stupid young couple to get out of the church. Crazy I know.

Of course things could have been different. I might have been a priest, or a lawyer, or perhaps a fat government employee sitting around the office just waiting for pay day. It could have been nice. But instead, I still find myself back to this… hell. Why hell? Hmm.. that’s a very vague question… since we all have different description of hell. But you know what? They all have something in common. And that is…’Suffering’. Yes. Yes. All people regardless of age, race or culture (excluding the atheist mind you..) will always append ‘Suffering’ when describing that place. Hence, I called my livelihood as Hell. Hell in what sense? Well.. suffering!?! Suffering in what sense? Suffering because you are constricted, and stagnant, and surrounded by God Awful persons. God Awful in what sense? Well.. its because their painfully stupid… and they reek of this stupidity that it makes you sick.. that is how awful this place is.

Is there a moment in your life where in everything is ‘A-Okay’ then a dumbass comes in and ruins the day… that is what I am talking about… for some reason the people here are very…very….very…. shallow… I do not know if a tumor the size of a knee cap is lodged in their brain to impair their cognitive skills… or perhaps they hit their head in the cement so many times that apparently their brain is quarter-dead (if there is such a word). Forgive me.. it seems that my mind is still clouded with annoyance to this unknown class of human beings. Perhaps through Natural Selection people with little or no cognitive skills have become the dominant species. Perhaps Nature has stepped in and chose this ‘dumb trait’ to procreate and spread like tuberculosis eating your smog infested lungs. Maybe God finally stretched out his almighty finger and directed our pitiful existence to descend further into madness. Hmm… makes me wonder why do people forget to think?

Maybe the Ancient Egyptians are right all along. Perhaps it is true that the heart is the center of our being. Interesting that they actually believed that our heart is the source of the 4 most important liquid of our body. And those are BLOOD, SPIT, SEMEN and URINE… very intriguing indeed… on the contrary, our brain is demoted to just a mushy organ in our skull where MUCUS comes from. Nice.. given the degradation that is happening to our OH SO Magnificent Society where Stupidity.. oh sorry…let me rephrase that.. ‘Coolness ‘is encouraged and thinking is shunned. Then it is now safe to assume that they were right all along.

Or maybe I am the one who is at fault? Maybe I am just so serious… and I need to lighten up. Hmm… perhaps it is true. Perhaps all people should just be contented on having a livelihood that will not offer you money, nor gratitude, nor fulfillment, nor solace and peace. Maybe they are right and we should just believe what is presented to us by the main stream media. To just swallow what they have to say. To believe what they want us to believe, to be contented and exist how they want us to exist. Should we be contented?

That’s a question we all have to answer one way or another. The problem is… the only way we can answer that is to think about it…

Or maybe I’m just wrong… what do you think?

Saging Con Yelo

2nd shift.. I love 2nd shift.. or atleast compared to the other two 14:00-22:00 is far more better. I can do tons of things that makes me alive before i descend into oblivion yet again. Besides, there is far less 'bata' using the PUV's on that shift especially at 22:00.

Do you know what is my favorite thing at 2nd shift?? Saging Con Yelo! *saliva drool activated* yeah..i love that stuff.. i love its simplicity and complexity at the same time. If your not a food connoisseur like me..let me rephrase that...hmm.. If your not a fat guy like me who lives to taste different kinds of food then i understand if you'll say.. "Banana Con Hielo is just a simple mixture of milk, ice and caramelized banana..how can you say its complex?"...."Dude...im not talking about the mixture..its the texture in our bacteria infested (in my case, nicotine, tar and bacteria infested) mouths that is the point.." As you may have noticed..once you take a sip of this oozing delightful beverage you will immediately feel the careful heterogeneous blending of the warm and the cold. The Rich Starchy Strong Caramelized Banana with the simple almost bland taste of milk. The not so crushed ice pushing its way to your mouth like a snatcher stalking his stupid student prey..can you not feel its irony? Yet within this irony..you find balance...blending...and sheer harmony almost to the point that you'll say 'Damn! That's Good!'

As you may know..banana con hielo is not the only thing that is simultaneously harmonious and chaotic in this world. You can see that in nature itself. The adrenaline rush of a pack of wolves hunting its prey. The Chaotic laceration of the warthog's perreneum... the blood curdling scream of the prey...its death cry bouncing off from the mountains... while a wolf sink its teeth to its belly. The smell of warm blood fills the air that entices more wolves to join the feast.. trashing...screaming..howling...pushing..and tugging the corpse while the sweet calorie filled meat and blood slithers down their throat..they feel a wam rush of energy..as they devour the warthog. More chaos ensues until a carcass is left. Stench, death and decay looms. As death has taken its hold on the soil, minerals and rich carbons seeped down to the earth. A seedling finds its way to the rich soil coming from the feces left from the dead warthog... time went by indescriminately... until we see an imposing figure standing in the very spot of death. A tree with its arms stretched high above the lofty heavens. As mighty as the mountain yet as simple and benign as clouds. A quintessential Harmony, Balance, and Life...

Never ending cycle of Life and Death... the balance of two opposing forces.. never ending fight yet none can exist without the other..

It really is inspiring to see it in your mind..to know that all forces no matter how opposed still exist harmoniously with one another. We, as human beings the self proclaimed Masters of Nature still have a lot to learn from our so-called slaves. Number 1, Nature has no master..number 2 if you mess with Nature then you will suffer a most horrific consequence of your stupidity. Number 3, Nature has existed since time immemorial, it exists now and will exist beyond us.

Now that we have delved too much into oblivion, to greed, to avarice, to pride and vanity, i fear that it maybe too late for all of us. For millions of years we depended on Nature, she provided us food, water, energy, shelter. Nature's hand out stretched to nurture us as she nurture our neighbors. But what do we do to repay that kindness? We bit her hand off like an ungrateful bastard..it is rather pitiful for us humans to go against nature. We should have known that the consequence will be disastrous. For all the things that we value in this temporary existence, none surpass her might. Retribution will be swift. Our proud cities will bow. Billions dead. Societies will collapse. Humans will burn, freeze, drown with water or earth. All shall recognize the blinding might of nature.

Survivors of this..unimaginable horror shall rise up to a new world cleansed of the filth of humans. Then they shall see another beginning of life..

Interesting Conversations

Just finished my supper and my girlfriend just told me a very mundane topic. Its about her friend who was over from a relationship for months. If you have to know more details, then let's just say that she is a very well-off person. She currently have a very very stable job in this country. I mean... industries may crash and burn...but the state will continue to exist. Yes..she is a government employee. But not just a government employee..she is a member of the Presidential Management Staff...yes..yes.. i know.. they are the Lap Dogs of every Demon who runs this kleptocracy.

Anyways..as it is pretty obvious..she has a very good career perhaps too well and high and mighty that only a UP person will catch. Yes she is also from UP... did I mention she also looks good? Well..im a guy so even though I have a girlfriend I can still appreciate those with looks and otherwise. So..what do we have here? Good Career + Good Looks + U.P. (the quintessential god school in this country) = An almost perfect person. OF course it would not be interesting if everything is peachy right??

It turns out she has a problem...well as mentioned she just broke up with a guy. And for every piece of sand in this world put together will not equate to the 'loneliness', 'sandness', 'burden' felt by every girl who has this kind of problem. A girl's eternal quest for the right guy...wow... a very big problem indeed....

To make it more interesting she recently met someone..according to my girlfriend she met this guy at a conference on Baler. She said the guy was already a good catch (wow.... so there is such a thing as bad catch huh?? hmm..points to ponder yet again for ordinary blokes like us..). The guy was a LaSalle Graduate, has a successful career, chinito, maputi, kalbo, most likely with piercings on the left ear, and a with a nice body (another wow...so i can now officially categorize myself as a bad catch..nice..a very good point to ponder before I got to sleep...its not going to surprise me if i wake up tomorrow from a nightmare..).

So as you can see here..it seems that everything is nice.....just peachy.. a nice girl that has a nice guy..so what the hell is the problem? Correct...there is no problem.. sorry for just wasting your time.

As society dictates it...a typical perfect girl is for only a typical perfect guy.. nothing more nothing less..another good fact there is such a thing as 'bad catch' so if your not from LaSalle, or U.P, or Ateneo who has an athletic body, who is not a chinito, who is not white skinned, who is not rich, who is not charming, who does not have a very good career, who doesn't have a car, who does not know how to play basketball, who is not a rocker, who does not know hot to play a wooden guitar, who does not earn perhaps 50K a month, who does not have a well-known parents will probably be a 'bad catch'. According to the criteria above..almost all of us blokes will belong in that category..sure sure..a blind fool will say 'Hey! Im not a bad catch I play a guitar! Yeah!' well... cause your a well known rock star.... "I belong to a varsity im cool!"...you display your masculine prowess to the female population of course your cool..."Im a dumb, jobless shmuck and i have a beautiful, rich and smart girlfriend"...that's because your girlfriend is a weak, stupid pathetic excuse for a human being..of course you can have her.

...as you can see folks..perfect = perfect..know your place and be contented. you'll never know when your last scrap of happiness will be taken away from you...

life is a bitch..amen to that..

Dear Crap 5-30-10

This sucks... my mind is struggling right now.. You know why?? Imagine that you are so so so so tired and you just want to lie down and die....wishing that death finally take you with his cold clammy "by the way bony" hands. Wrapping you up with eternal silence and peace... peace..

Out of the blue the old chimps out in the street just decided to take fuck this day and bring out their Infernal Machine and sing their pathetic God Forsaken Idiotic Chimp Voices bouncing eternally from the lowest deep of Hades to the Upper Stratosphere..Perhaps it will someday make its way to the nearest galaxy and the aliens will curse the day that they came upon the God Forsaken Voices.....God........im tired........but hey! What can I do?? Their just having fun!?? Its not that I can petition a complain to the Branggay Kagawads....because THEY ARE THE BARANGGAY KAGAWADS!!! ahhh...fuck this day.... oh well... another one of this perfect God Damn Day that I have to live in this God Damn Forsaken Place..with this God Damn Life.........

Anyways... as I said a million times..the things above just serves as an introduction. Just to share a bit of shit that I've been experiencing every day of my life.. The topic...hmm..oh Yes! Its about a movie. Well my girlfriend just decided to brighten the day by watching Dear John. Please spare me the crap to say that Im just an old guy who does not appreciate arts...because I am not going to talk about that. Im not that shallow idiot.... Im here to talk about how humans admire aesthetics.. you know.. the good old stuff...the face..the height.. the body... you know it gets me thinking..WHY do people love people that are pretty? This applies to guys mind you.... Pretty Girls..Pretty Boys...Rich Guys, Heiress Socialite Bitches...why is there an 'A-List'? Why? Why? Why?

Why are they above ordinary blokes like us?? Hmm I wonder... why because they have six packs? Or they have chest to die for? Or boobs for girls? Perhaps their pretty adoring faces? Hmm.. is that really it? Society worships beautiful people because their beautiful? Is that it? Is that the best we can do? Oh common!! Can we not think of any other excuse to worship them as gods? As above mortals like us? My God..how stupid can we get? Honestly this is an all time low... hahaha..I mean WOW.. that's it huh? your pretty, we treat you better, Well.What exactly is beautiful? Can we define what is beautiful? Im quite sure that all of you guys there will say.."AHA! Ofcourse a beautiful girl will certainly be a chinita, with long black hair, reddish cheek, white satin skin, big boobs (don't you dare forget about boobs!!), nice hips, big beautifully shaped ass (Oh YEAH!)." Nice! Nice description there buddy! Well here's the deal...you may have misinterpreted my question. The question is.. "Define beauty." I did not said "Copy the shit out of a porn magazine (art magazine??naaah) and tell me what it says about beautiful chicks." so there? Do you have an idea of Beautiful Girls? Or Guys if your gay or a girl.. Of course you have.. we all have our own description of beauty. And your pretty damn stupid if you don't or perhaps you have a Schizoid Personality Disorder (it is advised to stop reading this blog and go to the nearest clinician).

The point is.. if we all have a different opinion with regards to beauty then why the hell do we see the same fucking face in this pathetic excuse for a society? Do you know the answer to that?

Im guessing your not..or im guessing that your guess is utterly wrong.. Its simple.. Its hardwired to our genes yet again. And yes.. this is also the reason why pretty people are treated better than all of us ordinary blokes. Get it? Well..if you used your eyes rather than looking at your classmates' panties (God forbid briefs......tsk tsk) when we were in elementary you will notice that the Crush ng Bayan' were the gods of our batch. Its like a Greek Pantheon were in the cutest guy is Zeus and the Prettiest Girl with a Flower patterned Yellow Panties is Hera, together with a host of greek lesser gods they rule the highschool with an iron fist. "Don't confuse me for a loser in highschool....I had my share of the glory...im just not stupid to let that silly thing past my mind.." Did it not dawn in your puny mind that the reason why they have ruled is because you let them rule...because you yourself have worshiped them as gods!? You treated them like gods and you most certainly would have sacrificed your life to get a glimpse of their glorious hallowed faces..........wow..... that is nice.. i mean.. their just people.. people with pretty faces... and then we adore them. Why? As mentioned.. it is hardwired in our brain. Believe it or not, our minds are programmed to like people with pretty faces (relative to the culture that is...). Scientists have explained that most often that not, we (the whole world) is programmed by our genes to like and adore children..its another survival trait handed down by our ancestors through the years. And it is a damn good trait. Its one of those survival genes that greatly affected our dominance in this world. I mean think about it.. if we adore children so much.. then we will do what it takes for them to survive... and if the answer is STILL not obvious to you...CHILDREN bears our Genes...i mean the whole gene pool its not like you went to another cave to fuck his wife...NO..not like that. Children is the future..cliche but its true..hence if the little buggers survive then the specie Homo Sapien survives. Not surprisingly that trait exists within us right now.. "Okay.. so what's the point?". My friend the point is simple... if you just stop talking and listen to your degenerating brain then you will see the obvious similar characteristics of Beautiful People to Children...or should I say 'Youth'. Yep... that's the Magic Word! Youth! Silky Satin White Skin..GooGoo Gaga Eyes...can't you see the similarities?? Yes.. that's it.. its simple as that.

Society as we know it worships and adores this 'A-listers' because of a genetic trait that automatically kicks in if we see youthful faces. So for all of those...not so lucky persons (like me)..who looks NOT youthful will most likely be shunned and treated for a god damn trash that we are. It is as simple as that. All we have to do is be a man and suck it up.. oh yeah for the girls your free to cry all you want but the world will not change. Our genes will change eventually but.. it takes millions of years..so its just better to suck it all up.

For people who thinks..then there is hope. We should understand them... you know.. the ordinary people... They treat others better because their genes dictates it to them..im guessing that their neuro electrical path ways between their frontal lobes are damaged or a god afwul mess...just like my shit in the morning..all messed up..yeah not good.

So there it is.. a yet simple answer for another supposed complicated god damn question. People will be people.. and people are inherently slave to their genetic traits. Especially those who are not particularly 'bright'.

Kung Fu Fighting 5-29-10

Evening here at Sisa..hmm a very conducive time to write a blog..NOT! hahaha

Anyways..im afraid i don't have much of an introduction to this day's snips and bits of my mind. I guess I am still a little tired after spending almost half my day at G.S. enrolling. Would you believe that i was so tired that I even didn't try to play PC games? Wow..for me that is really disconcerting. My girlfriend was out to attend a fashion thing in SMX MOA hence I was left alone to do my favorite thing, i.e., watch TV. "Im still normal people.." So there.. i was..surfing what the channels have to offer "trust me on this.. bayantel cable does not have much to offer." and chance upon Kung Fu Panda. Since I was bored and tired to even turn on my PC and play i decided to stick around at HBO and watch Kung Fu Panda. I enjoyed it a lot and surprisingly it turned my brain juice once again.

There is a scene wherein Po was very much afraid and decided to run away because of the coming enemy. The Enemy Tai Long was the complete anti-thesis of Po. Po is fat and a loser, but Tai Long is a perfect martial artist. He was strong, tall, muscular, agile, fit, imposing, confident and pretty much everything that a guy in a billboard wearing nothing but his underwear will look like. I understand the Panda, should you find yourself in front of an enormous wall blocking your way to your goal is it not just natural to feel fear? Who would not be afraid? Is there a person in this world who did not feel any fear in his life? To fear the obstacles that comes along the way? Lemme think about that.......hmm.. NO ONE!! We have experienced fear...we are still experiencing fear..and it is most likely that sometime in the future we will experience fear again.

A lot of people will say.."HA!! ME Afraid?? NEVER!!" idiot..... fear is genetically encoded in each and every fiber of our being. It is secreted by our brain to protect us from danger. And believe me it did its job perfectly. Even an idiot will acknowledge that Pre-historic Earth is not as safe and fluffy than it is today. Earth back then is a green......hell.. if your lucky you make one wrong move and your dead. If your super lucky you make a wrong move and your arms or legs..or both is eaten by a reptile the size of bus. If your unlucky you find your guts spilling all around you as you are eaten bit by bit by a bunch of tiny little dinosaurs feasting your entrails while you are eaten half alive begging them to end your misery...and if your extremely lucky your brain will tell you not to go to an open field, run, hide then maybe...just maybe..you'll get a meal to survive for a day. Now how's THAT for a normal part of your day!? Its like, you wake up in a cave, you say good morning to your wife, you say hello to your friends, you stealthily make your way up to a 45degree angle valley to get to the nearest river, try to catch a fish without loosing your hand, make your way down to the valley again to get the fish to your wife, then you see a friend and say hello to him. The problem is, he can't say "hello" back because you noticed that his guts are all over the grass. You move on, you get to your cave, you say hello to your another friend and he says that his friend was eaten alive as well. Then you'll say.. "Tough luck Man..Oh well! Let's eat!". Then you eat the fish with your wife and you go to sleep. Tomorrow it will be the same again.

Well.. when you live in an Earth like that.. it is perfectly normal that our brain has adapted to fear the unknown. To protect us just as it protected our ancestors.

Can it be that this emotion that has protected us from thousands of years is the one that is holding us back? The answer may be yes... however we should always remember that the answer can truly be found on ourselves. We are always chasing something in life. It can be a career, it can be a girl, it can be a certain food, or an event or something else. But one thing is for sure, there will always be an obstacle. When you find yourself thinking, 'WHAT the Hell Have I done wrong to deserve this!?' then maybe you should look again. Perhaps you were looking for the answer in the wrong place or perhaps in the wrong time..

I kind of like the central idea of Kung Fu Panda. Its moral story can be applied to life. The moral is....'There is no secret ingredient.'

So that's it! Eureka! There is no secret... Ofcourse an ass would say.."Hey just buy this self-help book man! It really works! You know! You just have to read the secrets of the best business men in the world and you'll get rich!".... you know what? That's a lot of BULL.. There is no secret..you just have to believe. To look past the Subcutaneous Fat, to look past the acne ridden holes in your face, and perhaps the layer upon layer of adipose tissue in your mid region and really see......see what is inside you. And don't give me that stupid and pathetic excuse that what's inside you are organs and blood.. No..Im not talking about that.. The REAL you..The Inner You...what who you really are.. your Strengths, your weaknesses, your likes, dislikes, your dreams, your goals, and what you can really do. Just look, don't be afraid of the answer..believe in yourself. Because believe me no chicken soup can help you past what you are dealing right now if YOU.. do not believe in yourself. Things will happen, and things will don't. Its a part of life...Even if Human Beings are weak relative to the marvelous creatures in this world, i know for a certain fact that there is a reason why we are the dominant species here... may be its time for you to find out... that the reason is..

Nothing. Its ourselves. Plain and simple.

And what about fear you say? Common! I thought you already knew the answer!? Fear is a part of life, as death. But without FEAR......there can be no COURAGE. Without DEATH...there can be no LIFE.

House Moment 5-28-10

Friday..most of us folks are feeling a rush of energy imagining a last day of work before we get a pretty pathetic 2 days of rest. Rest?? HA! Weekends full of other responsibilities, like doing the laundry, cleaning our house, going to the market place and ofcourse treating our Girlfriends out for a nice date. Well..it was what i expected it to be.. but sad to say i woke up very very late in my work and decided 'Ah..the hell with it.. I'm not going to work! Ill have a bonafide REST DAY!' hence i text my sup and said some stuff to be excused.

Anyways.. stuff above is not really the topic here..

What really concerned me is the on going war inside my head when i just woke up last 6am. "HEY!! its not late!" Well most of you people are very lucky to have a normal job, for your information 6am is already late because i work as a slave for a BPO company. Okay where were we? Ah yes! The war.. its pretty weird considering that our minds are considered suspended on a limbo when we just woke up.. but unfortunately my mind is hardwired a little different than most people. So there.. the infinite battle between warring factions inside my head drums, as i open my eyes and peek to reality. The reality hits me that..HEY! YOUR LATE MAN! But you know what? Another voice creeps in and says...Why Waste your time for a mere 700+ a day? When we can simply text your sup and say that you are sick or something?

Hmm..that really hit the spot! Sweet! Sweet! Spot!

The sound of freedom! Wow.. dont you think that it is the one thing that all of us blocs are searching for all our lives? To be free of all this responsibilities, hardships, work? I know that some you guys will say "Nah..Im happy as it is! I love my career, I love what I do and it gives me purpose!" Come on..did it not dawn in your mind for once or twice in your life to just simply LET GO! Get away from all of this! TO just be free! OF COURSE it happens! We are not divine angels who are unfortunately decided and tied to our fate and responsibilities! We humans are simply animals with a HUGE BRAIN...and animals as we know it wants to have fun once in a while..to be free! So it is simply not surprising to see that animals even though adults, takes the time to simply swing on trees and play with other adults. You can even see it on dogs.. one minute their just sitting around watching the people go by.. then one minute their out there running playing with other dogs and will only come back to their masters when they need food or rest. Or maybe im just sick of it all...sick of all this nonsense going on around me. As one my favorite bands says 'We are, we know, we see, we think for you..The who, the what, the when, the where, the why' im sick of that crap.. control..order..

Hey! Don't confuse me as an anarchist! I love rules, i love order and i know well enough that control brings about order. And order makes us secured...all feeling fluffy inside.. but i guess when you see that all around you people are being manipulated by a group of people who are just doing it for their own profit then YOU will see that this order is a fake one. All around me, every conversation is just like a telenovela, or should I say right out from a telenovela.. all topics straight from a tv show. The worst part is.. the tv shows are just about a bunch of teenagers throwing teen angst against one another. And being logical and the supreme specie in this world.. we view it as cute, charming, and to die for..wow.........great! Thousands of years of Human Evolution! An exponential increase in our intelligence and we all end up here.....TV shows......women crying...women with big boobs crying (personally the boobs are okay to me)...bunch of kids crying.....bunch of men killing each other.. bunch of men half-naked in tights hugging each other and they call it fight.....bunch of men running around and they call it sports.....WOW

If Adam was an immortal and see this 'society' drooling over young singing boys with girls hacking and killing each other just so they get a glimpse of him, and not to mention radio stations taking advantage of this gross stupidity for the profits of a few. Better yet bunch of adults who will do whatever it takes to be rich even to sacrifice all sense of justice and morality. He would be completely disappointed.... he would have said "God Damn!! I should have castrated myself or just copulated with a donkey to spare my children this hell." Amen to that..

You know what Adam?? You should have just castrated your manhood...

Imagine yourself waking up to this society..to this pinnacle of human evolution.."Hey..im not stupid!..this does not mean that we stopped evolving..believe me every species continue to evolve it is just that in our case most of the time it leads to cancer... YEY! To modern processed instant foods! Yey to sedentary lifestyle! YEY! to carpal tunnel syndrome because of work that does not let you get up from your PC for 8 hours straight!"..ah yes.. society in its peak of glory.. bunch of idiots if you ask me.. everyday you get up from the one place you consider heaven (sleep, dreams) and descend to hell wherein every people controlled by the media talks about the same God Damn thing over and over again...sick...

I yearn for the good old years... where everyone can think...where everyone was not defined by what brand of shoes their wearing...where everyone can be someone who they want to be...not someone you know..where everyone can look at the Marvel of Nature and imagine that dwarfs have lived there to mine golds.. where everyone is free to imagine, to order as they see fit..to live a life worth living..to marvel at its beauty.

Life..we only get ONE chance. I suggest we do some thinking before it is too late.